thinking over the rain

its been had to think about.... the rain falls like a shadow about to take over. The night i had thought to creat. A picture so sound so true. I dont see the light, yet to my heart i must be true. I am not the same as you knew. I dont know how to be. The heart will beak for it is glass. It falls to the floor like a paper dall at the foot of a fallen child. The blood of the earth shall i seek. Never more shall i trun from the oats i have given to the dreams of my mind. i will grasp at my dreams to have what i want and what i need.

gift.... In trees

i know what you think.... i dont have to ask. I know the dry lies you told. Are you happy now? i just thought to ask. Ever more did you see past the trees? did you see did you see. The thoughts through the trees. I just felt the cancer coming out... The qustions the stares? did you see? the thoughts threw the Trees? Did you see Did you see ? I know but yes i am fine. With these thoughts words to say.... i ask protection from God only to beforsaken? I ask the sun so ingolfe me if my life shall fall ? did you see? did you see Love Did you see?in the trees

so its a start

So its a new year.... and probly everyone has now gotten off their diet once ageain this year. Well fear not friend!! Everyone eles has stoped too! i am very happy to say i am staring the new year off in a new way. with someone. Yea its kinda nice to say. I like somone and they like me, for me. Its nice yet in an unasuring way I feel like its ok to stand back and look at this one. I have only felt this way tord one other person. And never the less it did not turn out good. So why? thats all i am asking why? Why at this time in my life did i find someone that i can feel with? i dont know... but it nice to start somthing and do it right. I have not been happy to talk about somthing in a long time. Its kinda great!

"Still" by matt starkey
I have put into words what i have felt before
i dont know how to make you hear them.
As the days get longer, as the world closes
i will be here still
i may not know what to say but
i will still be here.
I just need you to open your eyes to the falness of life.
i need you to brave what i have seen.
Will you still be here?
If you knew all my ravings would you still hold me?
I think if I wait.... If I see this.... it will grow.
If i am still things are shown to me....
still.....


The steps i have taken are all their. The time is right. I dont know if i can fight this rage inside to fly away. "What If"??? that is the greatest qustion. what if? you can think of lots of things when you say this. You may think of what you will be doing for the next 20 years of your life. Will you be rich? will you be poor? will you find that one? or will you just stick with cats? Its so hard to let go of the "what if's". With a brain full of qustions, a person must be able to tell your brain what you want it to do for the next 20 years. In my life their can not be "what if's". Their can only be "why not"? Opening a part of yourself is funny. You are ready to jump yet their may not be anyone to break your fall once yoou do. What i have to say to this fact is this. "It is not flying that is hard. Its building the wigs to do so that sucks." so I have the steps ..... and they feel right!

fresh start

so last night i had a great time with new and old friends.... i also got to see some people that i would normally not want to talk to. However on the way home i started to think about some things. The people I had a great time with last night know who i have become. The new person I am. Its nice to start to see that their are good friends you can keep close. And others that will just talk to you on the phone. And in public they walk by you like they don't see you. I am just happy that i have walked a long road. Never the less i am also happy to see new views from the road i have taken!

so thia is a start

I think That with the new year comes new ideas. This is why i have started this. I have thoughts that i must say. things i want people to know. And words that must come out. i miss being an open book. Being able to tell others what my dreams are. I just need to say some stuff. and i think its time.....

I'm here bitches.